My phone is always on silent. I hate the way the entire continent shakes when it vibrates. Scares the hell out of me. My ringtone is a quacking duck, I don’t know why. It went off in the middle of lecture once, during a screening, when the entire auditorium was silent. I ran out before anyone could call animal control.
I’ve probably missed out on a hundred job interviews for not picking up my phone. I’ve definitely missed out on a thousand potential friendships. I’m not very good at keeping close friends. I need alone time, all the time.
When I do check my phone and see I’ve got a text, my heart drops—what now. I love my friends, I do, I’m just stupid. All I do is tag people in cat videos on Instagram. Share dumb memes through Twitter. Sometimes I say yes to lunch dates and it’s always a good time—why don’t I do that more? (Stupid)
A social life is never in the equation when school’s in session. Not because I have a lot to do—I write all my essays the night before they’re due. I watch House M.D. on Netflix and find that I relate to Dr. House more than I should. I guess I’m just not very good at the whole human relationships thing.
My friends text me, “So excited to see you!” and I can’t share that excitement. They say, “I miss you!” and I feel nothing. That makes me sound like a terrible person. I’m trying to be better. I’m under constant construction. Kind of like summers in Canada.
Speaking of stupid, there’s another exam I should be studying for. I love English and I enjoy writing a good essay, but I’m really not in the mood to compare five texts and how they critique gender as a social construct. I really, really don’t care.
(I sound like a balding alcoholic who’s lost all his friends and family and spends all his nights at a dingy little downtown bar. I’ll be back to my usual self after this exam, I’ll talk to you then, my dear constant reader from India. BTW, how’s your wifi signal there?)